Day Twenty Five

DAY TWENTY FIVE
The Meaning of Life
Do you know what it’s like to meet your real father after 22 years, having spent your lifetime wondering if he was even alive, and if so, if he was a good man, or a drunk, an addict—wondering if he ever wondered about you, then meeting him and everything went well?

Do you know what it’s like not speaking to your family for 10 whole years—not a word to your brothers, your sisters, mother, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, but calling each of them in turn and celebrating the best Christmas of your life?

Do you know what it’s like marrying your high school sweetheart and ten years later getting a divorce, only to find that on the other side of the agony was liberation for your soul?

Do you know what it’s like not being college bound, applying to a college WAY out of you league, getting accepted and far surpassing even your own expectations?

Do you know what it’s like enduring a childhood of abuse, depression, confusion and despair only to escape by letting go and moving on?

Do you know what it’s like, at the moment of ultimate darkness, complete isolation, gripping depression—at the moment where few others would continue, and most would give up—to focus everything you are and everything you have, your entire heart, the complete expanse of your mind, your life, your breath, your very soul on saying you are sorry to those you’ve wronged, forgiving those who have wronged you, closing your eyes and asking the universe to send you a light—and in return not only receiving an angel, but also peace of mind, a quiet heart, and a path so illuminated, even a blind man could see it?

Perhaps you cannot answer yes to any of these questions, or you might be able to say “sort of,” but whether or not “yes” or “no,” I can answer yes to all of them. And of course there is a story behind each one, but the point is not in the details. The point is that our pasts do not define us.. Let me say that again, our pasts do not define us. They do not completely make us who we are. They contribute, yes, but they ultimately give us a place to start. That’s not to say that we don’t limit ourselves based on our pasts, in fact, most of us are guilty of doing exactly that. My entire point is that if we don’t learn from moments in our pasts, then we will never excel, we will never grow, and we will live our lives in little self-limiting boxes. No past is too awful, so severe, so unspeakable that it can’t be overcome. When I write mine down and say it out loud, it seems fictional; but I assure you it was very real. And in spite of what I would have believed would have kept me down, is in fact what gave me strength to do and be more. No detail from my past, good or bad, is more important than the fact that I learned from it, built a foundation on it, and kept building. I knew where I started, so it was easy to see where I was going. If I didn’t like the path, I changed it. I make it sound easy—it’s not, and that’s not what I’m saying. But following a simple philosophy, a simple shift in thinking was easy.

That philosophy hinged on two words: “can’t” and “try.” Knowing how to replace those words changed everything. Let me explain: I fundamentally believe that “can’t” and “try” should be eliminated from our vocabularies when they concern our actions. We can all CAN, and none of us CAN’T. If you find yourself saying “can’t” a lot, stop. You are limiting yourself with a simple word. One word creates a belief in your mind, you repeat it, and eventually you believe it. You honestly believe you can’t—and now you are limited. But why is it so easy to believe? Because you told yourself to believe. You just chose to believe that you could not. Instead, replace “can’t” with “can.” If you say it enough, eventually you will believe you can instead of you can’t.

Almost as bad as “can’t” is “try”—“I’ll try.” Try implies failure. You introduce the possibility of failure into your mind. Now there is doubt. When there is doubt, we have the tendency to focus on it more. Eventually we focus more on the doubt than on the positive outcome of whatever it was we were trying and we set ourselves up to fail. It’s more or less a prolonged “can’t.” Master Yoda taught us, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Yes, that’s little green Yoda from Star Wars, and even though he is fictional, the words are still profound wisdom. Next time you catch yourself saying, “I’ll try…” change it to “I’ll do it.” But there is still the opportunity to say “no, I won’t do it.” In this case, you haven’t failed, you’ve simply declined. But don’t let declining become a habit of saving face in lieu of failing. It’s okay to fail. The art of failing is first doing, then not succeeding, but in the end always knowing why you didn’t succeed. Lying about, hiding from, cheating to win, or avoiding the reason why you failed is a mark against your integrity and your character and it will always show, even to those without a keen eye. Let’s keep it on the level.

That explained the philosophical shift necessary to change our paths, but we still haven’t talked much about our pasts. So, if our pasts don’t define us, what does? Well, if we were static beings (non-changing), our pasts would completely define us. Moment ‘A’ would be our start, then ‘B’, and we’d be A+B, etc. But we are dynamic beings living in and experiencing each moment in a dynamic universe. To make it only a little more technical: our spatial presence (the space we occupy and that which we call “us”) is changing every second at a sub-atomic level. The “us” part that we call “us” is never the exact same from moment to moment. It may change subtly or it may change tremendously. Thus, “we” are dynamic (ever changing). And that’s just at a molecular level. Go one step further and look at it from an energy and thought perspective. Think back to the last time a thought completely rocked you, changed you, made you evermore different. And we think countless thoughts a day. Our minds are dynamic too. And our minds now are massively different from when we were kids—which we would call our past. Time, at least in the way we experience it and quantify it, IS static. (In actuality time is dynamic, but we have to perceive it as static so that we can understand it and can count it—otherwise we’d never stand a chance.) And that’s why time is a human convention. We created it so we can count it, stop it, start it, and attempt to understand our world. Well, time doesn’t stop—in reality, and things don’t always happen chronologically—often they happen quite simultaneously. Nevertheless, in reality, we are dynamic space-occupiers hurdled through the dynamic dimension of time. Nothing is ever the same from one moment to the next. We operate our lives on “similarity.” Back to non-technical…

Now, I said that our pasts don’t define us. Well, that’s partly because we are so ever-changing that it’s hard to define “us” anyway, but our pasts have changed just as much as we have. In fact, the more “we” change, the further this new “us” is from the “us” of the past. Moreover, it’s only when we don’t see reality for what it is that our pasts DO define us. In that instance, our pasts not only define us, they become us, or we become our past. If we fail to see ourselves as beings capable of ever changing; if we fail to truly understand that time doesn’t actually stop; then we will construct a reality where we never change and time never resumes. That is when your past defines you; that is when you cease being. And that, that is the saddest moment. That is non-being. To anyone in such a state—I send you a light. Come out into the world and grow; we welcome you back. You are missed and loved.

Our pasts don’t define us—we define ourselves. The meaning of life is to grow. What we are and what we were and what we will be is how much we’ve grown. The more we grow; the more we share this knowledge; the more we inspire others to grow big and tall and unrestricted, then the more we all are. And the “Miracle” to growing isn’t water; it’s not some magical elixir—it’s loving (everyone), learning (this secret), lighting (the path for others), and laughing (because it’s supposed to be fun!).

I’ve hurt people in my life—but they still love me. Thus, I love those who’ve hurt me.
I’ve learned a lot in my life—mostly that I have a lot to learn. Thus, I keep learning.
I asked for a light and I received it—but it’s not mine to keep. Thus, I return it from whence it came.
And I’ve laughed, LOUD and HARD, and I share my embarrassments unabashedly—because I know that the source of love and wisdom has a good sense of humor.

Thank you. I love what you are. I hope you grow big and tall.

AO