Day Fourteen

DAY FOURTEEN
Zen
Here’s today, in a nutshell, and I’ve only experienced about an hour of it so far. I got home after work, about 2:30 am, let my dogs out, watched the lunar eclipse for a bit, made it back inside around 3-3:30 am. Somewhere between that time and 8:30 am, someone broke into my car, stole a very otherwise useless piece of equipment and at about 8:30 am my apartment complex called me to inform me of my misfortune. I went to take a look and indeed verified that my new car had a broken driver’s side window, the equipment was missing, as well as…my work ID. How bizarre. Nothing else was missing, although additional items of value were still in the car.

The best part of this ordeal occurred when I noticed that one of my figurines on my dash had been disrupted during the heist. And I’m glad it was because it was what made me realize how to keep it all in perspective. I have two figures on my multimedia console of my car, one is a horse, because according to Chinese astrology, I was born in the year of the horse. It’s my power animal. (Yes I said that.) The second is a laughing Buddha. Buddha had fallen into my driver’s seat and was lost amidst the broken glass. I did cut my finger on the glass picking him up, but I rubbed his belly and in that moment realized, you know what Anthony, there are two ways to respond to all of this. One is the typical negative way that you’ve learned from the world, the one you are accustomed to, or two, see it for what it is. It’s bad, sure; but it’s so easy to overcome. Have a good, happy, positive attitude and roll with it. Plus, Buddha was disrupted during all of this and it made me think, you just don’t mess with karma. And that’s exactly what the thief did, literally.

So, I’m good. Strangely. I’ve been on the phone all morning to all relevant parties, but other than that I’m fine. Going to get my window replaced right now; speaking to the apartment complex about upping their alleged 24 hour security (such a small window for that to occur and the night hours are so much more dangerous); and looking into a severely discounted garage rate in light of the circumstances.

Today’s task: be Zen. Let nothing affect you for you are in control of affect. Just like me. Yes, it’s hard, but if you have a better, more grueling story than that to start your day, with less than 5 hours of sleep, then let it out and we’ll discuss. Otherwise, I wish you the most Zen and a beautiful day. Love.

Day Thirteen

DAY THIRTEEN
Honesty
I must admit, today was not a good day for me. I am writing this book, after all, for myself, a guide on how to pick myself up or things I did to pick myself up and stay up. Today I felt really down, kind of miserable, just plain depressed. I saw my very close friend and she both noticed and commented on this “sudden shift.” I told her that I felt like a lot of what I was feeling actually had to do with her, and we more or less left it at that. And that’s true. I do have certain things I want; I have had several significant changes in my life with a change of jobs, a switching of hours of jobs, an increase in financial obligations, etc. But at the end of the day, it boils down to what fills my home. And right now, it’s me. Just me. That’s neither exciting nor what I want. So today, I was honest with another; I was honest with myself; and I spent the remainder of the day introspecting to ensure that in fact, that was actually what was going on. Turns out I was also really tired and in my depression I had neglected my appetite. So after eating and after taking a nap, I felt a lot more clear on what was going on—and, combined with the aforementioned recent changes, the real issue is indeed “wants, hopes, and desires.” 

So, even though today was not happy and shiny and sparkly and magical, it was real. And there is something to be taken from that. Not every day will be your best ever—and sometimes, some days will plain stink. But knowing that there will always be a tomorrow, and knowing that the world is full of people that love you, your world will go on. Just breathe. Close your eyes and breathe. You are loved. 

Today’s task: take the day off. It’s okay to just ‘be.’ We’ll do more tomorrow.

How to...

How to...

HOW TO LAUGH, OUT LOUD, AT THE WORLD AND YOURSELF

My Ace in the hole

No matter what, whenever I’m really down, I watch this video. It takes a lot to be able to laugh at yourself, unabashedly, but more to share it with the world. Because I didn’t mean to record it, it’s utterly sincere and genuinely happy. I hope it at least brings a suggestion of a smile to you even on your darkest day. Hang in there. Love.

Day Twelve

DAY TWELVE
Confidence
Today began very early for me; I met several new friends, which is always a nice thing to have happen, and then toward the end of the day I engaged, very deeply, with some close friends. I learned a lot about others today and what stood out at the top of the list was confidence. One close friend in particular, something about the way she presented herself, hit me like a lightning bolt. In a moment of complete brilliance, pure beauty, and ultimate sincerity, this young woman proffered herself to the world, in such an unintentional way, but only in a way that sheer confidence could ever produce. I immediately took notice, told her what I saw, and smiled the rest of the night at such a wonderful occurrence of confidence existing in its most pure and perfect form. 

Confidence is something we all struggle with, and very much to my surprise, I found that it too was a struggle for her. I suppose we all have a mixture of “pure confidence,” “false-confidence,” (that which we project to the world but that which does not accurately reflect how we view ourselves), and “confidence in progress” (something more like conscious incompetence if we use the scale as developed by William Howell: unconsciously incompetent—consciously incompetent—consciously competent—unconsciously competent). What I believe she possesses, regardless of what she says, is pure confidence, or true self-confidence. What she believes she possesses is something between confidence in progress and false-confidence (merely a projection). But here’s the point: in what I saw, it was undeniably pure confidence. She responded, it was not entirely so. But our confidence is based upon the totality of all of our skills, characteristics, strengths, and strengths in progress. So, it’s possible to be utterly confident in one or more areas of our lives, while less than confident in other areas, and still possible to be not at all confident in the remaining areas. Thus, it’s quite difficult to accurately gauge exactly how confident we are or are not about everything in general. 

So here’s my suggested solution: focus on those skills, characteristics, and strengths that you possess in undeniable abundance and purity. Run wild with those. Be confident. Do it like everyone’s watching, and do it like you just don’t care because only you do in that way, and only you can do it in the best way. In this way, you will be the best possible version of yourself, and there’s only one  of you…out of 6+ billion people, there’s only one of you (unless you are a twin, triplet, etc., but that just messes up the math and the point!) take that in. If you focus on the things that you are awesome at, why wouldn’t you be confident? You offer the world so much more when you offer your best. You are entitled confidence, in fact, if what you offer is your best, confidence is expected.
 
Today’s task: a two-fold proposition: one, introspect and identify 5 to 10 of your most solid skills, characteristics, or strengths (not those you wish you had, rather those you actually have). If introspection isn’t your strong suit, and that’s quite possible, indeed, ask a friend or someone close to you (who is good at that) to help you. If you still struggle, get this book: StrengthsFinder 2.0, Tom Rath, ISBN-13: 978-1595620156. It’s worth every penny, but make sure you buy new, or you won’t get the online code, which is critical to the test that produces the results. Two, when you see confidence in another, identify it. Tell that person what you see, exactly, specifically, and how it affects you (perhaps you admire it, it inspires you, it reminds you of what you want to improve, etc.). You know why? Because that reinforces confidence and more confident people are happier people, and happier people are more loving people and more love is always a good thing.

From the deepest part of my heart, I love you all with everything I have. You are all beautiful and you all deserve every ounce of happy this universe has to offer. Peace and Love.

Day Eleven

DAY ELEVEN

Asking for help.

So here's the problem I faced, and I struggled with it immensely as it caused me great unhappiness. I tried every trick in my bag and nothing worked. I reread The Secret. I tried to change my attitude. I tried to smile. I tried to accept. I tried listening to music. Nothing worked. So I tried venting: and that didn't work either. Then I finally spoke to my best friend and I said, "hun, I'm just out of ideas...I don't know what to do. I'm not happy. I only accepted yesterday because it's over, but I've got two more days to get through. I don't know how I'm going to do it. If I'm going to write a book on being happy, I need to be sure that the advice I give actually works..."

Now before I tell you what she said, let me explain why my situation was difficult. It was Thanksgiving, I was working 80 hours per week, I was physically and mentally exhausted, I hadn't seen my family in over a year, I hadn't seen my girlfriend in about a month, I had no time for friends, and despite all that work--I had little if any money. So working on Thanksgiving was especially hard because it reminded me of all the things I didn't have. I worked until 2am the night before Thanksgiving, then I worked from 9am until 2 am on Thanksgiving followed by 9am until 11pm the day after. One of my jobs had a gas leak on Thanksgiving and I sat there and breathed that in for 3 hours before anyone noticed something was wrong. All that combined, with nothing really of substance to look forward to...well, I was at a low, to say the least. So, like I said, I kindly asked my best friend to lend an ear. I felt so bad even asking because I didn't want to include her in my struggles so it was difficult even gathering the courage to ask, but in the end I found it.

So when I said, "...I want the advice to be something that actually works. What's the point of giving advice if I can't use it myself?" She replied, knowing there was nothing she could really do, "Anthony," she said, "...if anyone can do it, I know YOU can." Now I don't believe in any set of magical words, something that you can utter and it will suddenly and mystically repair any situation, but if there were any, those would be them. Effectively what she did was remind me to believe in myself; to have faith that I was on the right track. So what I learned from today was: never be afraid to talk to someone or to ask for help, but always know who your strongest sources are, who your "clean-up" batters are. For me, that's her for sure. After that I was able to power through the rest of the week with a new found surge of energy, and a simple, quiet acceptance that some days are just tough. That's how it goes.

Today's task: make a list of your strongest support and never hesitate to use it. We are all here together so that none of us shall ever struggle alone.

Peace and love.

Thoughts that provoke a smile

RANDOM MOTIVATORS

Best compliment ever...

So I was at work, and much to my usual I was doing something "odd and unusual"--in this instance, I had just spent the last ten minutes doing everything in extreme slow motion. A guy I work with stopped and said, "you know, I just figured out who you remind me of." My ears perked up with excited anticipation. "Tom Hanks, from Big."

I felt like Rocky and Rudy at the same time. Best compliment ever. A major life goal had been achieved. I was identified by an acquaintance as a child at heart. At that point, I needed nothing else for I had been validated to my core. And then it made me think: at what point does the child within us go away, and why? How much bigger, brighter, and better would the world be if we all retained some of that child within us? I love how I see the world; I love how I interact with it; I don't mind being called "weird" on occasion because I can tell you this: a child's world is full of wonder, full of possibility, full of life. Why would we ever want that to fade when the child within us grows up? Yes, all of those qualities can be regained, but once the child is Big, it's so much harder to go back. I never pressed the OFF switch on mine, so I'm naturally a kid at heart.

Facing Hardship

FACING HARDSHIP
If I can overcome my past, so too can you...

Today is a day of reflection. A day of proof. A day where all the lights shine simultaneously and enlightenment is granted. The entire purpose of this book is to help create a global community of happy, healthful, and happily healthfully contagious people. But an endeavor like this requires first looking at where it all started. For me, it was age four.


I've faced numerous hardship in my life, as much as any other, in some instances, more than several people combined. I've also been granted many gifts, some I was born with, some I picked up in my travels along the way. Today, I want to tell you of those hardships, not to trouble you or to make you gloomy, rather quite the opposite--to motivate you into knowing, into believing that there is nothing in this world that can keep you down if you do not allow it to. I am proof. Here's my story...


At the age of four, unbeknowst to my parents, I was molested by a distant cousin. It's a sad tale and fate one must struggle with for one's entire life, and it's not something that was at first ever easy to talk about. Today, however, years after coming to terms with it, I tell it like I tell a joke, minus the punchline. I just put it out there, very matter-of-factly, and that's that. This abuse continued off and on until I was fifteen years old. Yes, I was molested, sexually abused, over the course of 11 years. I cannot tell you what this does to the fragile development of a child. I cannot tell you the amount of confusion and despair one must endure, constantly in a state of "fight or flight," and the battle one has with oneself over issues of trust, identity, sexuality, and "normal." Without delving at all into the psychological aspects of this issue, I simply want to say--I overcame this.


During my very troubled childhood, my family relocated several times. This created havoc with my ability to make and keep friends, and I effectively lived the life of an Army brat, without the father in the military. This strain caused immense tension in my family, and I, the oldest, usually took on the brunt of the family's frustration. Usually that meant taking on far more responsibility that what should ever be placed on a child, but such was my fate. I was effectively the third adult in the equation, but as a child, I was still subject to discipline--in my case, it was harsh discipline delivered via intense spankings. But despite being forced to grow up quickly and having a very sore backside--I overcame this.


In high school, I forged a friendship with a girl that I was very fond of. She saw the situation I was in, "rescued" me from it, and I moved in with her when I was 17. We later married, went to school, and had a future planned together. After 10 years of marriage, she "found" someone else (and I'm being "fair" there) and our marriage dissolved in divorce. I spent months in darkness, despair, isolation, eventually ended up in an Adult Crisis Clinic for a few days, and I was at my absolute lowest. However, here I am today. This too--I overcame.

I have spent the majority of my life so below the poverty level that $100 might as well have been $1,000,000. I have experienced incredible debt; I've had years of no money at all; I lived in a weekly rent hotel full of bugs and more bugs; I've had no car; I've had weeks where I'd only eat beef jerky because it was all I could afford; I've filed bankruptcy; I had moments where I struggled so much, I truly would have been better off succumbing to homelessness than keep fighting. Yet I fought, yet I climbed forth from the ashes, and here I am. I overcame this.


In reaction to my "stolen" childhood, I cut ties with my entire family. I went so far as to take my wife's name when we got married. I said not one word to any of them for 10 whole years. Not a word to my mother, father, brothers, or sisters. Then, realizing what life and what happiness are all about, I contacted them. In this instance, I overcame myself. I overcame the dark beast that lived within me that once told me I wasn't good, that told me I wasn't worthwhile, he that kept me down. I saw a light, I reached for it, and in that light I saw myself pulling out the child from within, each smiling in true, unabashed happiness. From that day, I promised myself that I would do anything and everything to be happy. I knew that within me lied the power to change myself, and that it was there from the beginning.


I have endured enormous hardship, yet here I am, today, happier than ever, as if none of what has happened ever did happen, and as if I've been thrust into the life I've always wanted. I'll tell you now it's not fame, fortune, or things. Each of those are great, in their own respect, but what really matters, what counts at the end of the day, is a happy heart. For without a happy heart, fame, fortune, and things are nothing. How many unhappy celebrities have died because of drug overdoses? They had the fame and fortune, but they were unhappy. How many millionaires or billionaires have all the material possessions they want, but their marriages and relationships are in turmoil? They lack a happy heart. Well, I have a happy heart and I hope to share with you the secrets to developing one and to maintaining one for your entire life. I don't consider myself a special person. By that I mean, someone born with, or someone who has acquired special gifts that others don't possess. But I do consider myself special in that I love myself. I love who I am. I wouldn't trade myself for any other version of me. Surely, loving yourself in this way is the key to unlocking your full potential and guaranteeing a life of happiness. First you must realize, and I hope I've demonstrated it completely, there is no hardship that you cannot overcome. This I promise; this I know. It is with incredible love that I do all that I do. I wish you the greatest success and the most abundance of happy that you can ever imagine. All my love.

Day Ten

DAY TEN

Exercise.

Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Simple. Exercise to be happy. Today's task: join a gym or take a yoga or martial arts class. Get involved; meet people; eventually get names and phone numbers of people that will help keep you on track to your workout goals (workout buddies). If none of these are possible, see if you have any local novice (or your appropriate skill level) sporting events, like pickup basketball, tennis, or soccer. Or maybe go out with a friend for a round of golf. If still none of these work, then exercise at home. Something as simple as push-ups, sit-ups, and rudimentary cardio like jumping rope are enough to get started. Avoid obvious fads or diets, routines, or equipment that promise immediate results. Most are bogus and nothing more than marketing schemes. This is the new you! Get started and get happy.

Day Nine

DAY NINE

Giving.

There is only one way to receive in this life, and that is by giving. Giving alone is receiving, but giving also expedites getting. This is true of emotions, like love; this is true of money (give it to get it); this is true of everything. So today's task: give--anything. Give someone a genuine smile. Give charity. Give love (like it's going out of style). Just give. You'll surely feel better and it will come back to you more rapidly and in greater magnitudes the more you give. I can personally attest to this in all respects. I give love and I am loved, beyond measure. I give money and I never worry about money. I give thanks and I receive thanks. I offer help and I am offered help. What a tremendous way to live.