Day Twenty Five

DAY TWENTY FIVE
The Meaning of Life
Do you know what it’s like to meet your real father after 22 years, having spent your lifetime wondering if he was even alive, and if so, if he was a good man, or a drunk, an addict—wondering if he ever wondered about you, then meeting him and everything went well?

Do you know what it’s like not speaking to your family for 10 whole years—not a word to your brothers, your sisters, mother, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, but calling each of them in turn and celebrating the best Christmas of your life?

Do you know what it’s like marrying your high school sweetheart and ten years later getting a divorce, only to find that on the other side of the agony was liberation for your soul?

Do you know what it’s like not being college bound, applying to a college WAY out of you league, getting accepted and far surpassing even your own expectations?

Do you know what it’s like enduring a childhood of abuse, depression, confusion and despair only to escape by letting go and moving on?

Do you know what it’s like, at the moment of ultimate darkness, complete isolation, gripping depression—at the moment where few others would continue, and most would give up—to focus everything you are and everything you have, your entire heart, the complete expanse of your mind, your life, your breath, your very soul on saying you are sorry to those you’ve wronged, forgiving those who have wronged you, closing your eyes and asking the universe to send you a light—and in return not only receiving an angel, but also peace of mind, a quiet heart, and a path so illuminated, even a blind man could see it?

Perhaps you cannot answer yes to any of these questions, or you might be able to say “sort of,” but whether or not “yes” or “no,” I can answer yes to all of them. And of course there is a story behind each one, but the point is not in the details. The point is that our pasts do not define us.. Let me say that again, our pasts do not define us. They do not completely make us who we are. They contribute, yes, but they ultimately give us a place to start. That’s not to say that we don’t limit ourselves based on our pasts, in fact, most of us are guilty of doing exactly that. My entire point is that if we don’t learn from moments in our pasts, then we will never excel, we will never grow, and we will live our lives in little self-limiting boxes. No past is too awful, so severe, so unspeakable that it can’t be overcome. When I write mine down and say it out loud, it seems fictional; but I assure you it was very real. And in spite of what I would have believed would have kept me down, is in fact what gave me strength to do and be more. No detail from my past, good or bad, is more important than the fact that I learned from it, built a foundation on it, and kept building. I knew where I started, so it was easy to see where I was going. If I didn’t like the path, I changed it. I make it sound easy—it’s not, and that’s not what I’m saying. But following a simple philosophy, a simple shift in thinking was easy.

That philosophy hinged on two words: “can’t” and “try.” Knowing how to replace those words changed everything. Let me explain: I fundamentally believe that “can’t” and “try” should be eliminated from our vocabularies when they concern our actions. We can all CAN, and none of us CAN’T. If you find yourself saying “can’t” a lot, stop. You are limiting yourself with a simple word. One word creates a belief in your mind, you repeat it, and eventually you believe it. You honestly believe you can’t—and now you are limited. But why is it so easy to believe? Because you told yourself to believe. You just chose to believe that you could not. Instead, replace “can’t” with “can.” If you say it enough, eventually you will believe you can instead of you can’t.

Almost as bad as “can’t” is “try”—“I’ll try.” Try implies failure. You introduce the possibility of failure into your mind. Now there is doubt. When there is doubt, we have the tendency to focus on it more. Eventually we focus more on the doubt than on the positive outcome of whatever it was we were trying and we set ourselves up to fail. It’s more or less a prolonged “can’t.” Master Yoda taught us, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Yes, that’s little green Yoda from Star Wars, and even though he is fictional, the words are still profound wisdom. Next time you catch yourself saying, “I’ll try…” change it to “I’ll do it.” But there is still the opportunity to say “no, I won’t do it.” In this case, you haven’t failed, you’ve simply declined. But don’t let declining become a habit of saving face in lieu of failing. It’s okay to fail. The art of failing is first doing, then not succeeding, but in the end always knowing why you didn’t succeed. Lying about, hiding from, cheating to win, or avoiding the reason why you failed is a mark against your integrity and your character and it will always show, even to those without a keen eye. Let’s keep it on the level.

That explained the philosophical shift necessary to change our paths, but we still haven’t talked much about our pasts. So, if our pasts don’t define us, what does? Well, if we were static beings (non-changing), our pasts would completely define us. Moment ‘A’ would be our start, then ‘B’, and we’d be A+B, etc. But we are dynamic beings living in and experiencing each moment in a dynamic universe. To make it only a little more technical: our spatial presence (the space we occupy and that which we call “us”) is changing every second at a sub-atomic level. The “us” part that we call “us” is never the exact same from moment to moment. It may change subtly or it may change tremendously. Thus, “we” are dynamic (ever changing). And that’s just at a molecular level. Go one step further and look at it from an energy and thought perspective. Think back to the last time a thought completely rocked you, changed you, made you evermore different. And we think countless thoughts a day. Our minds are dynamic too. And our minds now are massively different from when we were kids—which we would call our past. Time, at least in the way we experience it and quantify it, IS static. (In actuality time is dynamic, but we have to perceive it as static so that we can understand it and can count it—otherwise we’d never stand a chance.) And that’s why time is a human convention. We created it so we can count it, stop it, start it, and attempt to understand our world. Well, time doesn’t stop—in reality, and things don’t always happen chronologically—often they happen quite simultaneously. Nevertheless, in reality, we are dynamic space-occupiers hurdled through the dynamic dimension of time. Nothing is ever the same from one moment to the next. We operate our lives on “similarity.” Back to non-technical…

Now, I said that our pasts don’t define us. Well, that’s partly because we are so ever-changing that it’s hard to define “us” anyway, but our pasts have changed just as much as we have. In fact, the more “we” change, the further this new “us” is from the “us” of the past. Moreover, it’s only when we don’t see reality for what it is that our pasts DO define us. In that instance, our pasts not only define us, they become us, or we become our past. If we fail to see ourselves as beings capable of ever changing; if we fail to truly understand that time doesn’t actually stop; then we will construct a reality where we never change and time never resumes. That is when your past defines you; that is when you cease being. And that, that is the saddest moment. That is non-being. To anyone in such a state—I send you a light. Come out into the world and grow; we welcome you back. You are missed and loved.

Our pasts don’t define us—we define ourselves. The meaning of life is to grow. What we are and what we were and what we will be is how much we’ve grown. The more we grow; the more we share this knowledge; the more we inspire others to grow big and tall and unrestricted, then the more we all are. And the “Miracle” to growing isn’t water; it’s not some magical elixir—it’s loving (everyone), learning (this secret), lighting (the path for others), and laughing (because it’s supposed to be fun!).

I’ve hurt people in my life—but they still love me. Thus, I love those who’ve hurt me.
I’ve learned a lot in my life—mostly that I have a lot to learn. Thus, I keep learning.
I asked for a light and I received it—but it’s not mine to keep. Thus, I return it from whence it came.
And I’ve laughed, LOUD and HARD, and I share my embarrassments unabashedly—because I know that the source of love and wisdom has a good sense of humor.

Thank you. I love what you are. I hope you grow big and tall.

AO

Day Twenty Four

DAY TWENTY FOUR
Dare to Dream
Routine, agenda, regimen, monotony, rat race. What do all of these words have in common? They involve repetition; they involve little to no thought, no creativity, no change, no spontaneity, no dreaming. Ultimately, they are the fast track to boredom, at best.

How many of us live our lives like that? At one point or other, we all do. But how long we do it depends on how long we've had our eyes closed. All around us is a world of beauty, a world of excitement, possibility, wonder, hope, and love, yet somehow, we close our minds, our hearts, and finally our eyes to it.

In this world, there exists two very different types of people: the Dreamers and the "Realists." Dreamers dream, create, love, give, offer hope, and expand the universe into realms that previously didn't exist. Realists, well they get exactly what they believe, what they "buy into". They live in the world of Dreamers past--the present. The present is the very limited vision that Dreamers long since gone had envisioned. Because it's an old dream that now belongs to the Realists, it has rules, regulations, standards, set backs, obstacles, and it has the unnerving power to consume your existence. The present is comprised predominately of the past, and only fractionally of the future. Thus, it is solely up to the Dreamers to make tomorrow's present better than today's by continuing to dream and create.

A critical difference between Dreamers and Realists is that Dreamers dynamically evolve from their ideas and creations. Realists do not evolve at all, regularly fall victim to zombification, and often feast upon the fallen dreams of the Dreamers. This is not because Realists are bad people, rather, when Dreamers fail, it reinforces the belief-system that is fundamental to the sanity of Realists--namely, when you dream, you fail. Thus, Realists do not dream, and they believe that they do not fail because of this.

To further separate the two, Dreamers have a keen eye for the world around them. Instead of seeing the world as it presents itself, some Dreamers are able to, with slight investigation, sharp intuition, and complete abandon of fear of failure, ridicule, or judgment, see the fabric of existence--that which permeates all things, all moments, and all of space. In doing so, these Dreamers are properly equipped to create, to paint new worlds on the template of life. Their biggest contender--the immediate world, the now, and the chant-like reminders of failure from the Realists.

Of the Dreamers, there are big Dreamers and there are little Dreamers. The little Dreamers are usually daring Realists that are hungry for a change. They've woken up, Matrix-style, and are driven to dream once they've seen the stark reality of their pre-determined lives they agreed to when they closed their eyes to the world. We think that we must close our eyes to dream, but ironically, we must open them.

And what of the big Dreamers? Those who heard the most doubt, endured the most ridicule, survived harsh judgment, and as fated, became those we remember most, admire, and aspire to become like? In pure dramatic, utterly climactic form, the big Dreamers almost always face the most monumental obstacles, the worst conditions, and ultimately their powers are spent overcoming all of this before they are ever afforded a real chance to dream. Nevertheless, they succeed, well beyond anything any little Dreamer can imagine, and far beyond the scope of a Realist's mind. What if they were never challenged? What if from moment one, they were allowed and encouraged to dream? How much more could they do?

So I challenge you to think. If your eyes are already closed, then surely your ears are too. Clearly this message isn't for you as you aren't even reading this. But if you get this, then I ask you to look at yourself. Examine your situation. Have you ever had an idea shot down? How did it make you feel? What happened when you had an idea that everyone told you wouldn't work, was foolish, was beyond your ability, etc., and it DID work? How did that make you feel? And what about those ideas you've had that you've never talked about. Maybe some you've already actualized and others you haven't. The ones that occurred are the dreams that came true. The ones that haven't are dormant dreams. They are sleeping, waiting. Wake them up before they fade. Your capabilities are unlimited. I'm telling you this as a Dreamer. I know this to be true. The Realists and the Realist's World want you to believe that you are limited. They want you to know your limits, stay within them, and NEVER explore beyond them, because if you do, you will fall on your face and have a big "I told you so" waiting for you. And when you do dream and succeed, they might offer you a simple, "you got lucky." Guess what. "Luck," in that sense, doesn't exist. That's a word Realists created to help them understand what they don't understand.

The last thing I want to say concerns identifying, promoting, and encouraging Dreamers. If you know a Dreamer, have a Dreamer, or either are a born or reformed Dreamer, then dream or encourage and dream or encourage big. Failure is a part of life. It's okay. But failing to dream--that's failing to live and that's not okay. Most importantly, and I don't care if you are a born Realist and you vehemently oppose everything I'm saying--NEVER stop, prevent, or hinder a Dreamer. If it weren't for them, this world wouldn't exist. Instead, if you can't offer support, at least be thankful and kindly step out of the way.

To fellow Dreamers: our present is darker than ever. It's up to us to bring the light and color back to the world. Smile, laugh, love, and dream. I see the beauty, I see the wonder. Let's show it to the World.

With all my love,
AO

wake up Neo

The Matrix is real

Day Twenty Three

DAY TWENTY THREE
Learning from Love; Thoughts Do Become Things
I want to preface this and say that I wrote this almost a year ago, but it is as true today as it was then, and that’s the point of this book: how to be happy through anything. So I want to include it. Enjoy.

"...if you stare long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss stares also into you." Friedrich Nietzsche

How deep is the ocean?
As deep as my love.

And like the ocean, calm at times, yet often ferocious and powerful and overwhelming and consuming, so too is my love.

I know not where passion, zeal, and fervor come from, but I know that I have an endless supply of each. I've spent my life trying to control the flow, but I find more and more that it controls me. It powers me. It creates me. It is me. And with great power comes great responsibility. This power is so great that it can give hope, energy, inspiration, and life to the world. But uncontrolled, it can wreak havoc, create and propagate enormous chaos, and ultimately leave a wake of confusion and despair. This is a wonder I've embraced and struggled with my entire life. A curse and a blessing. Naturally, it is my sole task to make the most of it and use it to do good.

Personally, I've funneled this enormous power into my romantic life. I've seen amazing results and my heart feels as though it has tripled in depth and complexity. But I've also experienced the misery this power can wield when it takes on a course of its own. Passion turns into necessity; zeal turns into insanity; and fervor multiplies the magnitude of the other two. So how then can such an obvious dichotomy be reconciled?

In the past, my solution to the curse of this power was to sacrifice myself so others wouldn't get hurt. I'd put my heart in the line of fire, and effectively I'd take the majority of the damage. Well, if we're keeping score, I didn't hurt anyone else, at least not terribly, so in that respect, I didn't lose. Later I found that by hurting myself, the conduit of this power, I did more damage than I had realized. All personal progress was halted and I was flung into a self-created abyss of depression, despair, and loveless solitude. So by way of bleakness, I lost a lot and the score was very much against me.

Recently, I've resolved to understand this power--to understand what it means, where it comes from, and how I should best use it. I've also spent years learning how to turn it off and on. I know myself to be a highly logical person, however, my primary interaction with the world comes by way of my emotions. I am an emotional lightning rod. Another gift and curse. When my passion is out of control and my emotions are heightened, it becomes immensely more difficult to control them and filter them through the finely-tuned logical outlet I've created. Thus, I'm passionately emotional (aka Drama Queen). This rarely works in my favor, except in isolated comical situations.

I have "good" days and I have "bad" days. The good are the best ever and the bad are progressively getting better. I learned that I must no longer sacrifice myself. In the end, if everyone turns their backs or if everyone were simply removed, I'd have just me. So I have to look out for and take care of number 1. I've also recognized patterns that serve to indicate that my emotions are heightened and my passion will surely prey upon them. In these instances, I've learned to express myself much more deliberately, so as to provide ample notice (or warning), should ever my passion emit itself full force. Of course this doesn't always work and I end up with a mess. Needless to say I've become an expert on damage control.

This brings me to today. I sit here amidst a mess I've created. My passion flowed out of me like a volcano spitting out tornadoes. And of course it did so when my emotions were at DEFCON 1. Actions are more vital than words, so if you need to correct poor actions, it's gonna take a lot more than words (or at least a lot of really good ones).

I know what I want, and for the best year of my life I had exactly what I wanted. But fear of loss, and constantly thinking about loss has a uniquely exact way of coming to fruition. Thus, I declare to you: YOU GET WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT. Think good, and you get good. I summoned this best year of my life, this amazing once in a lifetime gift of love simply by thinking about it. I focused every ounce of my being on exactly what I wanted. And I wasn't at all surprised when I got it. But as time passed, and as stress mounted, old habits resurfaced. I became fearful of losing something so priceless. And right before my very eyes it faded, it began to slip away. Then, of course, focusing on what I had--something I was losing--spun the cycle of "getting what you think about" even faster and made it slip even further away.

So, did I lose? Am I without this amazing gift of love that I had summoned? Am I writing today about a great loss I suffered? Or did I find a way to use this incredible power to capture and keep what I asked for?

The answer: I learned from love and I learned from loss. Both were equally amazing.

May the light of love shine ever brightly and illuminate your path;
May the winds always whisper little love secrets in your ears;
May you be blessed with eyes that can see the essence we all share;
And may incredible peace and happiness fall at your feet.

All my love,
AO

Day Twenty Two

DAY TWENTY TWO
Gratitude
A critical concept to the success of the law of attraction is gratitude. It’s both being grateful for life itself, but also about being grateful for what you have. And to use it to attract what it is you want, you must be grateful in receiving the things you want before receiving them. The easiest way to do this is to create a “gratitude list.” It’s like a list of goals, but it’s constructed in such a way that you say, “I’m grateful that…” and you fill in the blank with something you want. Now, if you want to show appreciation for the things you already have, you can certainly create a list in that respect, but keep it separate from this list. This is your “wish list” and it can contain anything. The key: write down what you want. This step is “asking” the universe for what it is you want. Then, “believe” it to be yours. This is writing down, “I’m grateful that I have a new car,” for example. Don’t think at all about how something will occur. Look at it more from the perspective, especially where things are concerned, as if you won the lottery and you are simply ordering the things you want from the money you have. Then, after your list is complete, focus on the “receiving” of the things on your list. 

A caveat regarding people: (as in: attracting people into your life), know that you can bring all sorts of people into your life by practicing gratitude in this way; however, the law of attraction does not work on influencing said person’s desires, for others have their own ability to ask, believe, and receive. You may cross paths with all sorts of people, but the law of attraction is only pertinent in your joint efforts if your efforts are truly joint. If they are not completely in unison, then you will get mixed frequencies, mixed results, and you may not get exactly what you were seeking. So where other people are concerned, work cautiously. You can bring them into your life, but the rest is found in the magic of life and love.

Today’s task: make your Gratitude list. You can put a timeline on the things you want—I personally have never found this useful, but if you operate better doing this, then more power to you. After several months have passed, see how well you have done. I read my list everyday and cross off those things that I’ve attracted into my life, whether things, events, people, or accomplishments. I find that I check off numerous components quite regularly, and it’s becoming easier to no longer distinguish little things from very great things. This is the true power of gratitude and the law of attraction.

I’m grateful that you have made your gratitude list and that you are on your way to living and receiving the life that you want. Love.

Day Twenty One

DAY TWENTY ONE
Seize the day and seize your life
Take a moment, before I say anything, and consider your life. Consider what you have, what you don’t have, what you need, and what it is that you want. Take stock. Where are you happy and where are you unhappy? For those areas you are happy, congratulations—you’ve done well. I am very happy for you. Now, for those areas in which you are unhappy, let’s talk about those. What needs to change in order for you to correct those areas? Surely if you knew this, then you would have already corrected these issues, right? Well, not necessarily. Sometimes we know what we need to do but we don’t do it. Fear, is a very powerful demotivator. It keeps us from the things we want for a variety of reasons. But faith, sometimes blind faith, conquers fear, so you always have a solution. An easier way to think of it is not to think about what might be wrong or what it would take to correct it, but instead to imagine what a particular area would look like if it were ideal and it were instead a source of happiness versus one of grievance. If you can do that, create a scenario in your head of what happiness in this area would look like, then compare it to what you currently have. This comparison always reveals answers you might not have considered. The next step isn’t about necessarily working methodically step by step to resolve the issues until you have happiness, it’s about accepting the ideal version as plausible, as desired, and pursuing it with your passion and your energy. You are shifting away from having what you don’t want into forging what it is you do want by thought alone. It’s a belief-shift. You are changing how you believe. Think about the areas in which you are happy. They came to be from the same mentality, you just weren’t consciously aware of it as it occurred. Now you are. It still works by utilizing the same principles.

So that’s the trick, but another issue remains. Whether fear keeps you from changing the things that cause unhappiness or it’s dishonesty with yourself, both are destructive. To quell and conquer fear, one must master having and employing faith. A faith that instills within you the belief that good things are possible (as you have several areas of your life as proof), that you deserve good things (again, as you have areas of your life as proof), and that you can accomplish these things. Erase fear with faith, even if it’s blind faith at first. Blind faith will eventually be replaced by reason as you start to see positive outcomes in this approach. However, if it’s dishonesty you have within yourself, this is much more difficult to conquer because you have to restructure your worldview that is currently not reflective of reality. We all lie to ourselves, accept things we shouldn’t, settle for less, or tell ourselves we are unworthy in certain areas, so that we do not have to face the reality we are given. But what we don’t see is that we are in control of that reality. We have it because of the choices we have made; thus, to change it, we must make different choices. The first choice, is to see reality for what it is and not the lie we have told ourselves. The lie is usually one of negativity and acceptance of less than adequate conditions—thus the unhappiness we suffer as a result. If we tell ourselves the truth—that we are deserving of all things good, then we change our beliefs about those areas that have imposed limits and caused unhappiness. I make it sound easy—it’s not. It’s harder to be honest with ourselves than it is to be honest to the world. I myself struggle with this. I have areas in my life where I lie to myself about what it is I have or am willing to accept. My nature is such that I would sooner suffer the misery and sacrifice of not having love, in hopes it would return, than to move on and pursue it elsewhere. So I lie to myself that I am happy in misery. This is a ridiculous concept, it is an utter lie, and I simply lack the strength of heart to detach from a reality that doesn’t exist. My reality is one constructed in my mind of what can be, but not one that is. I cannot predict the future; nor can I live happily in the present awaiting a future without guarantee. So why do I endure this suffering? All I know, at present, is due to the fact that my mind and heart are in conflict on the matter. Thus, an amicable resolution escapes me. Yes, yes, I know—move on. I hear it every day. And this is where I too suffer from fear. I have a fear of letting go, for I do not believe the adage: if you love something, let it go, if it returns, it was meant to be. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of that and neither time was is pleasant or true. I believe if you let go of something, you let go. If it comes back, then you have a problem of timing. 

So, that’s where I stand, briefly, but my question to you, and to myself is: how much longer are you going to go without what it is you want before you take control and get what you want? How much suffering, if such is the case, are you willing to endure before you are honest with yourself? How much can you take before you can’t take anymore? As I said yesterday, love is meant to be shared, not stifled, and if you, like me, infuse everything you do with love, then you must act to ensure that the flow is uninterrupted. It’s the only way you can exist completely.

Today’s task: Today is about you. What you want. If you don’t know, find out. It’s not at all hard. Life, things, possibilities, love, the entire universe is your catalog from which you can place your order. Simply ask, believe, and receive. In order to make room for the things you want, clear yourself of the things you don’t. Let go. It’s difficult, but it’s a necessity. If you relate to any words I have told you yet, please understand these to be the most deep, the truest I have told you yet: Reader, dear reader, letting go of the things that cause us pain is painful. It’s a sad, unfortunate, but completely true paradox that is part of life. The process itself hurts like hell. But in the end, we are better for it. So, if you have things you need to let go of, know that I know and feel your pain as if it were my own—and god knows I have my own pain, too much. It’s time to clean the house that is you, and that which is me. It’s time to seize the day; it’s time to seize life, in all areas, once and for all. We are all in this together, and I love all of you as dear friends. This book isn’t just for me—that’s how it started, but through sharing it with you, I’ve learned so much more about myself, about the world, and about others. This book, my friends, is about us. It’s about how to be happy despite the struggles we face. I have faith in you. I believe in you. I love you. May the Force be with you. AO